Functional
by Mandy2
Summary: Serena didn't leave town quickly enough to avoid the consequences of her actions the day and night of the Shepard wedding. In 11th grade, the NJBC is a fractured mess. Would they be better together than apart? I wonder...
1. The Queen and I

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
Premise: Serena didn't leave town quickly enough to avoid the consequences of her actions the day and night of the Shepard wedding. It is eleventh grade, and the morning of Bart Bass's brunch. But the Non-Judging Breakfast Club is at an emotional crossroads. Do they need to reunite?

**The Queen and I**

Serena and Nate, from different sides of the ballroom at the New York Palace Hotel, watched as their former friends grinned at each other. Blair and Chuck's relationship had notably grown closer since Serena had been dragged into questioning the day after the Shepard wedding.

The socialite's exploits leading up to Pete Fairman's death splashed across the Post and Gossip Girl, and Blair immediately and publicly dumped Nate. Serena was sent to rehab, and returned to discover she was a persona non grata above 61st Street.

Nate and Serena tried to give it a go, but as Blair's social stock rose, their relationship failed.

Blair hadn't spoken to either of them since then, and she hadn't dated anyone in particular for that matter. Now the reigning queen of the junior class, she stood, lithe hips posed between Chuck's palms at Bart Bass's annual brunch as he whispered something into her ear. Her Cheshire smile widened.

Eric quirked his eyebrows, turning his gaze away from them as he approached his miserable sister. "What is that all about?"

"Nothing, I'm sure." Serena replied. Blair was still famously protective of her virginity and Chuck had yet to show any signs of the kind of patience his father's money couldn't buy. "Why are we here?"

"Well, Mom's started using the words "special" and "partner" again, so presumably Mom's next husband is somewhere in this room." Eric replied, his eyes scanning the room. Who among the Who's Who of Manhattan was their next daddy?

* * *

The Mean Girls were gathering like ducks and approached their queen in a V formation. Chuck's hands trailed off Blair's hips and he headed for the bar, taking Blair's champagne flute with him.

Nate couldn't help but have mixed feelings as his friend approached the bar. Chuck had quickly established a "No Talking About Blair" rule after Nate's relationship with Serena had fallen apart.

In Nate's experience, Blair's icy veneer could give way to unspeakable depths, not unlike the enigmatic abyss that Serena was, at least in terms of scale. But when Nate had been on the ledge for both girls, looking into Blair's darkness had frightened him while Serena's had intrigued him.

In a sense, Chuck seemed to be just the adventurer prepared for such darkness, so the puzzle seemed to fit when Nate stared at them together. Their rapport had no pretenses, and they always looked like they were the only ones in the room.

But it was an eerily perfect match, one that was clouded in unrequited tension, and was flooded with danger. That explained the clench in Nate's gut, but he didn't particularly understand the pressure closing in around his heart.

He approached his friend, who for once was taking care with his father's hotel. "A Tanqueray Vesper and a Macallan neat." Chuck drawled, "He'll have an Old Fashioned, light on the syrup."

"It's... one o' clock. A bit early for hard liquor." Nate observed as the martini arrived first on the bar.

"I'm meeting Stepmother Number Umpteen today, Blair's mother sent her as an emissary since she signed the divorce papers last night and is in seclusion, and the Captain's deal is falling apart as we speak." Chuck replied lazily, seizing upon his scotch as it hit the bar. "Enjoy your Old Fashioned."

Nate watched as his friend practically strutted over to his ex, presenting her with the complex martini that Nate himself had introduced her to. They'd broken up before the new Casino Royale had hit theaters, and he could hear her acidic defense of her choice as predating any French actress's popularity. But in a time when he could pretend to be happy with her, he'd really enjoyed a long James Bond marathon with her Thanksgiving leftover pies.

Chuck was glowing like a hunting dog with a large quail in his mouth, and Blair turned away from her minions, placed her hands somewhere between his chest and his abs, and kissed him on the cheek.

"He's very attentive." Growled Bart from beside Nate, taking the Old Fashioned Nate hadn't touched and finishing it in a swift sip. Nate studied the expression on Bart's face, knowing neither the tone nor the construction of the billionaire's features would lend him any clues as to Mr. Bass's thoughts.

As Bart strode away, Nate couldn't help but agree with his assessment. Blair had yet to dismiss the billion-heir who stood in an intimate proximity behind her.

**

* * *

New Message From: Assibald  
I'm sorry about ur parents.**

Blair looked down from reapplying her lipstick when her phone lit up. She read the message and rolled her eyes. Her femme fatale pout was more important than her ex's attempts at empathy. She padded out a reply as she pressed a tissue between her lips.

**New Message From: Blair Waldorf  
Thanx?**

As she exited the downstairs powder room, Chuck pounced on her, closing the space in a dark corner and nuzzling against her cheek. "You're getting more ridiculous by the second, Bass." Blair giggled.

The flirtation between them had gotten increasingly heated over the summer, lazing at Blair's mother's country house, going to parties, occasionally jetting off to the French Riviera.

In the ballroom, Chuck had placed his hands at the apex of the curves of her hips, close enough to her waist to look far more innocent than they did now, clutching desperately to the fullest part of the arcs. "Don't you have someone else to date rape?" Blair asked impatiently, frustrated with her inability to physically rebuff him. She hated that her hands trailed down his back, and that as he peppered her neck with just innocent and light enough kisses that she exposed more of it.

"Come on. I have a room upstairs." Chuck whispered against her neck, and even though his breath was warm against that exposed skin, she felt goosebumps pop up.

"I bet you tell that to all the girls." Blair managed to grit out of her teeth, finding the emotional strength to pull her hands up from his back, place them onto his shoulders and push him away. "I just touched up."

She dusted herself off, but as she returned to the ballroom, she felt Chuck's presence behind her.

"Someday you're going to stop dressing up like you're the vamp and you'll actually be her. When that day comes, talk to me." Chuck spat in her ear, and Blair's eyes lit up in flames, not because the accusation was off-base, but because as Chuck departed from his stalker stance, she felt his chilly absence envelop her.

Her phone buzzed again.

**New Message From: Assibald  
You wanna get out of here?  
**

Blair looked around the crowded room, filled to the brim with people she'd grown up with all her life, and she was not willing for a second to feel vulnerable now that the one person in it that she trusted was off throwing a temper tantrum.

**New Message From: Blair Waldorf  
Call your car around.**

Blair didn't know precisely where she was going in her brunch clothes with her ex, but she was going somewhere. Her minions flocked to her as soon as they registered her reappearance, but she waved them off. "See you at school. Early. Make sure I have my yogurt."

Across the room, Bart approached his brooding son at the bar while he was in the middle of ordering another scotch. "Nice temper tantrum, jackass. You were _winning._"

Chuck turned incredulously to his father, unable to defensively mask his shock. "What are you..."

"The Waldorf girl. The one whose mother is about to debut a lingerie collection with Victoria's Secret as they start to move past basic underwear, who just completed her divorce proceedings yesterday. You were about to win. And unless you don't want to, I suggest you stop throwing down gauntlets." Bart hissed, giving his son advice for the first time in many years. "Gauntlets are for negotiating with the people you know you've already won."

The last part he said with the slightest wink, and the surprise on Chuck's face only deepened as his father swaggered away.

* * *

"God I feel drunk." Blair said as they got out of the car somewhere in the Village. Nate figured that the best place to be was away, and Blair seemed to be so emotionally disoriented that her usual snobbery didn't seem to kick in. "Something about being away from all the drunk people makes you realize you're drunk."

"Wanna grab a hot dog?" Nate offered, and Blair sobered up pretty instantly.

"A what?" Blair's face wrinkled with the exaggeration of her three Bellinis and one Vesper. Nate laughed.

"You know, some people recognize New York for its availability of hot dogs." Nate said. They wandered in no particular direction.

"And some people don't vacation in Florida, they're actually from there." Blair replied. "I'm drunk, not a tourist."

"Come on." He turned them onto Avenue A. "You might like this place. It has an element of exclusivity."

"Oh, so it makes a three-second evaluation of someone before giving them herpes?" Blair retorted, rolling her eyes. "St. Mark's Place..."

* * *

"Really?" Chuck had never felt so disgusted in his life. "You want to bring in the tramp of the Upper East Side and her social pariah daughter and..." Chuck lingered then, not having the black heart to mock the youngest van der Woodsen's latest public turmoil, at least not to his face.

After the party had concluded, Chuck noticed the van der Woodsen family was doing more than their fair share of lingering and his father pulled them to a table the servers had just cleared off and had unceremoniously announced to them they were going to become a family.

"Charles." Bart said with warning in his voice.

"No. She's social suicide. She is the whore of Carnegie Hill. As for her mother..." Bart's eyes grew dangerously narrow.

"CHARLES." Bart bellowed. "Find something nice to say or we're going to add family counseling to your SAT prep course load. You'll have no time to do the things that you enjoy and that make you a hypocrite for criticizing your stepsister."

"She isn't my stepsister until the ink is dry on the pre-nup. Good luck with that." Chuck snarled, and he stalked out of the ballroom.

* * *

Moments after he slammed the door behind him, he heard a soft knock at the door of 1812. His father could come in whenever he liked, and if he knocked it would certainly be harsher than that, so it had to be a van der Woodsen.

He opened the door, a glare still on his face when it revealed the freshman Eric. "I wouldn't want them for family either." He admitted quickly, unsure of who precisely that anger was directed at. "They're pretty much the same person though they wouldn't like to admit it, and they're not easy to live with."

Chuck stepped aside to let Eric in. "And you are?"

"I'm definitely the easiest to maintain." Eric said with a smile.

Chuck returned the smile as their phones buzzed.

A photo of Nate and Blair laughing as they exited Crif Dogs appeared with a caption.

**Spotted in the Village: B and N slumming it downtown with hot dogs. I hear that B and C's friendship is heating up but there's nothing like too many cocktails and an ex to cool things down, right C?**

Chuck scowled again, tossing his phone onto his bed. Eric studied his future stepbrother's face. Claus (the most recent departure, in spring), Klaus (the cokehead), and the others never had any children of their own, thankfully, though Lily once came close to hooking up with a former Olympian with six children, which would have been a nightmare of sitcom proportions. It was actually, in Eric's mind, Bart's redeeming quality.

Eric hated living in hotels and with the increasingly wealthy and increasingly ridiculous excuses for father figures Lily picked out, but Chuck seemed to be as fed up with that as he was, and that was more than he had in common with Serena, minus the beautiful if troubled DNA.

"Feeling angsty?" Eric asked, dragging his finger along the glass tabletop in the entryway. "Doesn't seem very Bass-like."

"It's not." Chuck admitted in a pained tone, walking through the suite. "Neither is the broadcast of one's failures on a blog."

"Failure?" Eric replied, throwing himself onto Chuck's bed. "The prim princess of the Upper East Side was letting you molest her in front of her friends and her parents' friends."

Chuck grinned with half-hearted victory. "She was, wasn't she?"

"When was the last time you saw her?" Eric asked, and Chuck's face darkened.

"In the ballroom, right after I cornered her outside the powder room." Chuck said miserably. He unscrewed the top of a Macallan bottle.

"You realize that you just described a predator-prey relationship." Eric observed as Chuck quietly lifted an additional glass. He shook his head. "No thanks."

"That's what it feels like. I've tried wooing her. Flowers, jewelry, chocolates, vacations." Chuck listed. He turned on his heel and sat next to Eric on the bed. "I'm close but I can't cross the threshold."

"Maybe because those things, while I'm sure they were nice." Eric scanned the room. "You have impeccable taste. But those are things that don't mean anything to you because you can buy whatever you like."

"Are you gay?" Chuck asked matter-of-factly, turning to meet the young boy's troubled gaze.

Eric didn't look away. "Yes." Eric wasn't sure what to expect.

"Does anyone else know?" It wasn't the follow-up most people would've asked.

"No." Eric said.

"Is it lonely?" Eric couldn't figure out when Chuck had put down his scotch, or when his arm, so comforting and light, had rested on Eric's shoulders.

"Serena's been home more since she got back from rehab, so not really. I'm just not ready to tell them." Eric said plainly. "I think Bart knows, because I think Bart's having us followed."

Chuck grinned. "You're very astute."

"Yeah, that's why I noticed you changed the subject to another elephant in the room."

The future step-brothers sat in silence for a moment.

"Still trying to figure out what you can get that'll actually mean something?" Eric asked.

"Yep."

* * *

Blair never sobered up that day. She wandered through the streets of downtown Manhattan with Nate for the rest of the afternoon, stumbling from bar to bar, trying different types of alcohol she would never have considered, even in her days chasing after Serena. One establishment only offered vodka martinis; she threatened to report them to the Better Business Bureau and Nate, drunkenly laughing, apologized for her.

"You sure know your way around." Nate remarked as they ducked into a place in Lower East Side that Blair knew for a fact would let her throw up in their bathroom at five in the evening. He held back her hair in the unisex bathroom, though he knew he ought not to be so careful with her designer dress; she may never wear it again.

"Chasing after Serena at all hours of the day and night will familiarize you with this island." Blair said, wiping her mouth ungracefully on the back of her hand. "You two picked up the slack, but it used to be my primary responsibility. It was exhausting."

Blair sat down on the floor against the brick wall. Nate noticed this bathroom was exceptionally clean. No wonder Blair had chosen this place. He sat down next to her. "I've never really apologized sincerely, have I?"

Blair turned her smudged eyes to meet his nervous ones. "No, but I forgave you anyway."

Nate quirked a brow. "I wasn't aware dictators were capable of forgiveness."

Blair slapped him on the chest. "You don't know a lot of things." She inspected the toes of her shoes. "I couldn't believe how much easier my life was. No more chasing after her after a bend with Georgina, no more wondering and worrying about when you two would act on your attraction. I didn't have to throw myself into a ridiculous frenzy to get your attention, and I found I was quite attractive to people. I don't know what it was. I guess I was less stressed, I guess I was beautiful enough to compete with her all along. That and my STD screen wasn't published on Gossip Girl."

Nate put his hand over Blair's and squeezed it. Blair squeezed it back. "Thanks for apologizing, though. I didn't think I needed to hear it."

Their phones buzzed. Nate downloaded the Gossip Girl message that pictured their retreating backs towards the bathroom.

**Spotted: N and B making a bee line for the bathroom at brown cafe. They've been in there for ten minutes and they still haven't come out. Hot dogs in broad day light didn't worry the great C. But does this?**

"What's going on there?" Nate asked. Blair was still looking at her shoes.

"I don't know." Blair hated the feeling washing over her, the sadness that often indicated she was in the process of sobering up.

She didn't know what she was thinking, it was so out of character for her to stay drunk all day. Who was she turning into, Serena?

"I'm really confused. He pays attention to me, stuff I shouldn't like at all. The girls haven't gotten out of line yet, because they're pots and I'm a kettle." Blair shrugged. "And the worst part is, that once he gets what he wants, he's just going to stop. And I like it too much to let it stop."

Her phone buzzed again and she rolled her eyes.

**To: Queen B  
Letting him swipe your V-card in a bathroom? clASSy.**

Blair read the text out loud for Nate, and he quietly laughed. "Lashing out is Chuck's way of showing you he cares."

"How do you know that?" Blair replied skeptically.

"Oh, any time I spend too much time with a lacrosse teammate or a new girl, he'd try to blackmail me with something stupid I'd done when I was high." Nate admitted, shrugging sheepishly.

"So sending me pictures of his penis and taking me to Monte Carlo was..." Blair trailed off.

"Foreplay." Nate answered with a laugh. "This should make me uncomfortable. But he's kind of cute. You're still a virgin?"

"Is this conversation odd or what?" Blair replied. "The last place I expected to be on a Sunday afternoon is on the floor of the bathroom talking about the status of my virginity."

Blair was definitely sober now; both of them knew it. Her icy tone was only the first sign.

"Well, you've dated some of the most legendary players of Manhattan. Whitneys, Dalton sports team captains. Sure, not long enough to melt the chastity belt off, but one would think--"

"I'm not disappointed in them." Blair snapped. "I know what they are, I'm not going in blind. As for them, they like the hunt for Constance Billard's most elusive virginity. So they lay it on thick. I've been to St. Bart's, shopping trips in Paris, and not a single one of them was sincere, but I didn't expect them to be."

No one was more surprised than Nate that his eyes were filling with tears. "I'm so sorry."

"You know what Chuck says?" Blair asked by way of reply. "He says that I needed someone to break it to me that life isn't some fantasy. And they have. Every single scenario is out of a dream, a film, and I have never even come close to a happy ending, not for them and not for me. So thank you."

"That's how you forgave me? That's sick. And only someone like Chuck would think that me _cheating_ on you with your best friend is a silver lining." Nate found himself emotional still, but he was getting angry instead of sad. "I don't want your forgiveness, not if it means you can't be happy."

Blair studied Nate's face. "It's funny that you say that. Because even after all those boys, I'm still queen, and the only reason I'm not letting him have his way is because if he does, I won't be queen, and that makes me happy."  
Nate narrowed his eyes warily. "That's not the only reason. You said you were scared that he'd stop paying attention to you."

Someone knocked at the door. "Are you done in there? There's a line!"

"I have the runs!" Nate shouted, and Blair giggled. "I'll flush and be out of your way!"

Nate stood up and offered his hand to Blair. She took it. They washed their hands, flushed away the vomit, and stepped out of the bathroom with identical grins. There was indeed a line, and the person at the front of the queue glared at them.

Someone snapped a photo, and Blair grinned back at Nate. "It's a good thing you're still hot real estate, Archibald, or the girls would never forgive me."

* * *

The posts of Blair and Nate filled the inboxes of the Van der Basses as they sat in an awkward silence as their engaged parents conversed.

"Eric." Bart barked suddenly, and the currently blond freshman raised his head. "Would you mind telling me why your siblings look so miserable?"

It was true, Serena as well as Chuck had barely pushed any of her food around her plate.

"Well, Blair Waldorf left brunch early and since then has only been spotted with Nate Archibald." Eric explained, and Bart's disapproving gaze swept over his son.

"And Serena is upset because?" Bart asked, clearly frustrated that Eric's blunt explanation couldn't make sense of Serena's behavior.

"Likely because she thinks Blair is making a mistake, because 90% of her is still concerned about Blair because she doesn't seem to have any real friends, and 10% is jealous because she and Nate never worked out." Eric scooped up a large portion of broccollini.

Both juniors glared at the blond boy.

"How do they even know this?" Bart sighed with exasperation.

"Gossip Girl." This time, it was Lily who answered. "It's a website."

"And what do you suggest that they do about it?" Bart asked, his intense gaze still directed at his future stepson.

"About the website?" Eric asked wearily, hoping his recommendation for his siblings would not be the next topic of discussion. Bart shook his head. "I think they should repair their bridges. They are highly more functional as a foursome." A nasty image popped into Eric's head and he scowled. "Well, you know."

Four phones buzzed- Serena's, Chuck's, Eric's, and Lily's. The Gossip Girl blast revealed that Nate had just taken his ex upstairs to her penthouse and had emerged soon after that. For the first time since the meal began, Chuck smiled.

"Pardon me." Chuck drawled. "I have a hangover to heal."

_To be continued._


	2. I Feel It All

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Thanks for the feedback. Each character will get their own in-depth update; last time was Blair's. This time is Serena's.

Previously: The day of Bart Bass's brunch, Blair and Chuck's flirting escalates, the Van der Basses begin merging their families, and Blair and Nate unexpectedly spend the day together.

This time: Introducing the Humphreys, i.e. the moment Serena starts growing up.

**I Feel It All**

"Princess." Chuck called as he exited his limo. Blair shot him a sideways glance, not stopping her ascent into the schoolyard.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're the joke of Manhattan, driving around in that tacky thing? Get a Town Car, or a G-Wagon, or something." Blair replied acidly.

Chuck jogged to catch up with her, pushing aside the minions. "Oh, let's not pretend that I didn't come over last night and confess secrets and whisper sweet romantic nothings."

"You were with Chuck last night?" Hazel asked, her brow furrowed in confusion. "But you were with Nate all day."

"And you were with nobody, so I don't understand why you're speaking." Blair snapped. "Let's go to assembly. Now remember, Ivy Week is about division and conquest. Isabel is taking Brown, Penelope is taking Penn, Hazel is taking Cornell, Kati is taking Columbia, and I'm taking Yale."

"That's funny, because Yale doesn't offer degrees in slut." The Mean Girls turned on their heels to face Serena, who had emerged from the Van der Bass limo.

"Excuse me?" Blair said with narrowed eyes.

"You heard me. First you flirt with Chuck at brunch, spend all day with Nate, and from the looks of it, all night with Chuck." Serena tossed a glance in her future step-brother's direction. "He got home late last night."

"It took him a while to express the disgust he felt about sharing an enclosed space with you in the future." Blair replied. "And while it must be liberating to have absolutely no boundaries, but some of us do not feel the need to inspect one another's hymens." Blair closed the gap between the two girls so their noses were close to touching. "And seeing as I still have mine and you can't even remember which of the two boys you were with took yours, I'm not sure you should even be talking to me about being a slut."

Blair turned around, not waiting for Serena's reply, but as they got to the entrance of the school, she snapped her head in Serena's direction. "You _were _off my radar."

Somehow in the scuffle, Chuck managed to be the one escorting Blair inside, the entourage of minions surrounding them. His hand was pressed to her back as they walked into assembly.

* * *

As the eleventh graders of St. Jude's and Constance Billard were told which of their peers would be ushers and for which schools, Serena couldn't mask her disappointment that, per Blair's prediction, Isobel was going to be escorting the Brown representative with the swim team captain, who was an infamous stoner.

Chuck managed to catch up with Blair again as they stood in the transitional hallway between the two schools.

"Stalk me much?" Blair asked, leaning against Chuck's locker as she scrolled through the Gossip Girl updates on some lesbian drama out of Brearley. "Yale? I thought you wanted to hook up with the hot Princeton rep."

"I did, but then I thought... If I wanted to get a taste of Jersey, I could hit the clubs on the weekends and mingle with the bridge and tunnel crowd." Chuck replied. He reached out and caressed the inside of Blair's elbow. "Besides, I rather like the idea of Connecticut."

Blair rolled her eyes. "You've got to be kidding."

"What?" Chuck asked a little defensively.

"You need some serious psychotropic mood stabilizers, Bass." Blair said in an exasperated voice. "I have gym class."

"Are you trying to make me hard?" He called after her.

Blair smirked as she walked away.

* * *

Serena sighed. She supposed she should have worked harder over the past year; it was unsurprising that involved and B average Isobel would be escorting the Brown rep given Serena's lack of involvement and C average. In fact, Serena was pretty sure she was actually failing French since she nearly never went and had ended up with the instructor who gave daily attendance quizzes. The only reason she was getting a C average was because her English grades were actually bordering on As, but she had no Advanced Placement classes.

Serena was confused. Had she always been doing this poorly, or was it something she had never noticed between Blair's bullying of Serena's teachers and Serena's wildly busy social life. The girl's normally golden features darkened as she thought of Blair. Blair hadn't denied any of her accusations, and Serena hadn't realized until now how much she'd wanted Blair to do just that.

"I didn't get what I wanted either." A boy said beside her. Serena looked up and discovered she was in a St. Jude's corridor which she must have wandered into by mistake. "At least, you look upset and we just came from the Ivy Week assembly so… you wanted, no, no, let me guess."

Serena smiled. "Brown."

"Oh, yes, of course, Brown." Said the boy. "I should've guessed by the way you actually spoke to me."

Serena took in the brunette boy, who seemed achingly familiar but whose name she couldn't come up with. So she put out her hand, tilted her full head of blonde hair to the side, and smiled even wider. "Serena van der Woodsen."

"Um, yeah, I know." The brightness in the boy's eyes dimmed a little bit. "I'm Dan Humphrey. We've gone to school together since first grade."

"Oh." Serena wasn't quite sure what to say. "I'm sorry."

"Well, that's a great start." Dan smiled again. "I wanted Dartmouth, but Nate Archibald got it."

Serena shrugged. "Believe me, if he could, he'd give it to you."

"You think so?" Dan didn't seem so sure.

"His dad is obsessed with his alma mater. Nate would like to be on the West Coast, or at least he was." Serena said. "But Nate would do anything to please his dad."

"So, in the long run, we both get shafted." Dan mumbled, and Serena's heart expanded. Did this boy actually think she was on his intelligence level? Should she let him?

Maybe for today, she would. "Hey, do you wanna meet up after school? We can figure out how to crash the Ivy Week mixer."

Dan hesitated, and Serena felt a sort of anxiety in her chest she hadn't felt since she'd been interviewed about Georgina. But it was a good anxiety, or at least she didn't feel like she was wandering into dangerous territory. But Dan smiled, and Serena felt a strange soaring feeling she hadn't ever felt sober. "Sure. The courtyard?"

Serena nodded feverishly.

* * *

Halfway through gym class, and Serena was well bruised. She threw her stick down, nearly missing Nelly Yuki, and she pushed the tiny brunette's shoulders. "That is ENOUGH, Blair."

"It's enough when I say it's enough!" Blair retorted, turning back to the game when the instructor blew the whistle.

Every inch of Serena's body was aching from body checks and places where Blair had slapped her field hockey stick against the Amazonian blonde, and she was enraged. How the hell did Blair think that one night was worth all of this nastiness? Serena did the first thing that came to mind; she tackled her former best friend.

Serena locked her legs on either side of Blair's red skirt and the pair wrestled around, pulling on each other's ponytails: Blair's neatly curled and Serena's messily perfect. Serena ended up on top of Blair, ready to punch her in her delicate little face when the instructor pulled her off. "Is that enough yet?" Serena shouted as Blair pulled herself together. They faced one another, in eye-gouging range. "So that's it, huh? We've actually come to physical blows, huh? Truce?"

Blair paused for a moment, and then collapsed onto one leg. "OW! My leg!"

"Serena! You're out!" Shouted the instructor. Serena grabbed her gym gear in disbelief as Blair's minions helped her limp off the field. "Ow! Ow!" Blair moaned, and as Serena brushed past her, she snarled, "I hope it's broken."

**Hey Upper East Siders, we hear that World War III just broke out, and it's wearing knee socks. Choose your side or run and hide. We have a feeling this one's to the death.**

Serena was walking back towards Constance when she saw Blair sitting on a bench alone, waiting for her car to pick her up. Serena rolled her eyes, and sat down next to her.

"I told you that you were off my radar." Blair sniffed contemptuously.

"Can't you just get over it?" Serena sighed. Blair stared at her. "I'm sorry about this morning, but you've had the entirety of uptown freezing me out since I got back from rehab."

Blair still didn't say anything, but she didn't look at Serena anymore. "I expected better from you." She said finally, seemingly speaking to her hands.

"I said I'm sorry about Nate." Serena shrilled, and Blair's head snapped up.

"No, no, you didn't." Blair replied quietly. "I… was ready to forgive you for that, because you were always so drunk that year. He might as well have been an usher or some other lacrosse player as far as you were concerned, but you never apologized."

Serena's mind was racing. Rehab had been a struggle, and she'd just wanted it to be over it so she could go back to rebuilding her life. But she had to have apologized to Blair, hadn't she?

"I knew something might happen, but I figured if _you_ did it, you'd apologize, and you'd mean it." Blair continued. "I even looked up the AA and NA steps to figure out when. But you got out of rehab, and it didn't happen. You broke up with Nate, and it didn't happen. My parents broke up, and it didn't happen. My dad left my mom for a 31-year-old male model, and everyone was talking about me, and it didn't happen, and I kept waiting and hoping because I was lonely and I couldn't trust anybody, and I had already invested so much in you, and it never came. I gave up on you, I gave up on Nate, I gave up on everybody, and then you have the gall to call me a slut?"

Serena was still trying to figure out the timeline. Straight out of rehab, she'd thought if she were serious about Nate, people would take her seriously and forgive her. But Nate hadn't been serious about sobriety, and Serena needed something more reliable than a boy to make it through Claus (with a C or a K? She never remembered) and her new social status.

So she chose sobriety. Had she just forgotten?

Blair's car pulled up and as her driver helped her off the bench, Serena reached for Blair's wrist. Blair snatched it back as though she'd been burned. "Would it make any difference if I apologized now?"

The driver lifted Blair into the back of the Town Car, and as he put her bags in the trunk, Blair looked mournfully at Serena. "I don't know." She said sincerely, her eyes taking in the face of Constance and St. Jude's. "I just don't."

* * *

Serena spent the rest of the afternoon in a daze. It was in French class (the instructor was thoroughly surprised to see her) after she'd absentmindedly received an A on the attendance quiz that she remembered the apology she had given Blair.

Georgina had just visited the Ostroff Center and had managed to sneak in a case of gin cleverly disguised as Fiji water. The first two weeks had been the most difficult, and Nate was kindly dropping off notes and assignments from Constance he'd paid Nelly Yuki to take. One night after Nate had confessed his feelings to her, not knowing that she was three sheets to the wind, Serena had called Blair.

"What do you want?" Blair sounded tired, Serena remembered, too tired to go through her normal defense mechanisms, namely the ones that made her sound acidic or icy.

"I wantedsh to apolergize." Serena slurred. "About Natie-poo. I didn't mean shit." Serena hiccupped. "I mean it. I didn't mean it."

"This doesn't count, Serena." Blair had said in an exasperated voice, and she'd hung up. Serena had put the cap back on her Fiji water and had rolled over and gone back to sleep.

The bell rang, pulling Serena out of her reverie, and she hurriedly packed her things and headed three blocks north on Fifth Avenue.

* * *

At the awning for 1132 Fifth Avenue, she ran into Chuck, and neither attempted to hide their disgust with one another.

"Heard about the field hockey throwdown," He began, and Serena noticed the peonies in his hands. How had he gotten his hands on them? School had just let out. "All those mouthguards and short skirts; I hope somebody filmed it."

"You're disgusting, Chuck." Serena snapped, and they both pushed their way past the doorman, who was familiar enough with their faces to let them in.

"Please, call me brother." Chuck replied, adjusting his scarf. When they arrived at the elevator bay, they found Nate standing there. Both of them were surprised. Nate, on the other hand, rolled his eyes.

"Well, this is weird." Serena said as they rode in the elevator; Chuck had put in the new code which Nate and Serena absentmindedly memorized.

The elevator opened into the Waldorf penthouse, and Blair, upon seeing her new visitors, commanded Isabel and Kati to go fetch something. She accepted Chuck's peonies, kissing each of her visitors on the cheek.

"My favorites, you know me well." She said, casting her eyes toward the kitchen where her minions had disappeared to. "They'll have to get me a vase."

Chuck's chest puffed with pride. "Women like to pretend they're complicated; I know better."

The awkwardness hadn't left the room when Isabel and Kati returned, and Blair sent them on another errand to fetch a vase. She gestured to her former friends to sit down.

"So, Serena and Blair got into a fight, I spent the day with Blair yesterday, Chuck spent the night with her, and Chuck and Serena are about to be stepsibings?" Nate asked after the four had spent ten minutes in silence.

"God, I told them to find a vase, not forty extra IQ points." Blair said instead of responding. She took the hot pad off her leg. "Okay, so faking this injury is getting boring."

Serena laughed for the first time all day and Blair shot a small smile in her direction. "You did a good job of convincing our beefy gym instructor."

"Oh, you mean the Birch Wathen Lenox grad?" Blair asked, scoffing. "I'm pretty sure he's only around to parade around in those shorts."

"Why are you here?" Chuck asked the blonde nastily, and Blair scowled at him.

"Jealous?" Nate questioned his friend with an amused smile.

"You can only be jealous of something you have." Blair interjected, and it was Chuck's turn to glower at Blair. "Why are all of you here? Serena's…" Blair couldn't find words to kindly describe what she suspected about the blonde girl, "You're still trying to get in my pants, and Nate…"

"Nate is concerned about his very vulnerable ex." Nate said, referring to himself in the third person. "Nate only suspected Chuck would come to try and take advantage of your injury."

"Had Chuck known that Nate and Serena would try to cock-block him, he would've skipped last period to come sooner, instead of waiting until after school." Chuck retorted.

"Well, if Chuck would've come sooner, it would have been better for him to not come in Blair at all." Blair said with a sinister smile, and the four burst into laughter.

"After school!" Serena exclaimed suddenly, standing up. "I've gotta go, I think I stood someone up."

"Someone more important than our pending reunion?" Blair asked, her cold eyes tented under quirked eyebrows.

Serena shrugged, but she couldn't keep the smile from expanding across her face. "Dan Humphrey?"

Her friends' faces were blank.

"We've gone to school with him since first grade, apparently." Serena sat down again as Isabel and Kati appeared, the flowers placed in a Waterford crystal vase in the foyer.

"Lovely choice." Blair complimented with a saccharine smile. "Can you bring me my computer from the dining room?" Serena's face was puzzled, and the smile on Blair's face transformed from sticky sweet to simpering. "I recognize the name."

Blair scrolled through a list of names, and Nate noticed that while he and Serena had taken seats opposite Blair's chaise lounge, Chuck was resting on the arm, his hand resting close to her lounging body.

"He's the secretary of Politics Club." Blair said with finality, and Chuck peeked over her shoulder.

"How could you not remember that?" Serena said with a laugh. "You're the vice president!"

"He takes good notes." Blair said by way of reply.

"She has a dossier on every single member of the junior class." Chuck said incredulously, beaming with pride.

"He's from Brooklyn." Blair continued with disdain. "Really, S? Brooklyn?"

"Ugh, he's going to think I'm such a bitch." Serena slouched in her chair, and Blair sent her an inquisitive look. "I wish I had his phone number or something."

"Well, you could just tell him you're a flake." She deadpanned. "Because that's true."

"We were going to figure out a way to get into the Ivy Week mixer." Serena moaned. "He wanted to be the Dartmouth rep."

"If I could give it away, I would." Nate said, his own slouch mirroring Serena's perfectly. Chuck snorted.

Blair put her phone up to her face. "Hello, Daniel?"

Serena sat up straight suddenly, and she was sending Blair a warning glare.

"This is Blair Waldorf; I'm the chairwoman of the student committee on Ivy Week." Chuck mouthed the words back to her; this was a made-up position. "My friend Serena came over to explain your predicament to me, and while I can't make Dartmouth happen for you, there is a position that we've found that might be satisfactory." Blair paused. "Of course I know who you are. You're the secretary of Politics Club." Blair was silent again. "I just don't refer to people by their names. Are you going to escort Princeton or not?" Blair smiled once again. "No, no, thank Serena."

Chuck rolled his eyes. "Princeton? Tristan Fox is escorting Princeton."

"And he's going to find an 8-ball in his locker that he can't resist and mysteriously, Dan will be available to fill the spot. He's from Brooklyn, he can handle Jersey." Blair retorted. "Can you make the plant?"

Nate balked. "You're planting drugs in people's lockers?"

"Keep up, Nate. Serena apologizes, Blair schemes for her. The old gang is back together again." Chuck said with a grin, throwing his arm around Blair's shoulders. She didn't shrug him off.

"I'm sorry." Serena mouthed to Blair across the living room, Blair waved her away, and Nate couldn't tell whether it was Blair's mother's divorce or the speaking in third person or the field hockey fight, but the four had just given each other a chance. They hadn't walked out or turned around upon running into each other, and like magic they were friends again.

* * *

"You can stop with the Roladex." Dan said to his father, who was muttering under his breath. Only a few words were decipherable to human ears, but they were things like bourgeois and privilege, and even Dan was getting a little tired of it. "Dad, stop. Blair Waldorf just told me I could escort Princeton. Not ideal, but at least I'm invited to the mixer."

"Blair Waldorf called?" Jenny shrieked from her room, and she ran into the kitchen where her brother and father were seated. "How does she know who you are?"

"Yeah, who is Blair Waldorf?" Rufus asked, pushing his Roladex aside.

"She's the vice president of Politics Club, and 95 pounds of the girliest evil ever to rule Constance Billard." Dan stuttered. "Frankly, I'm not sure how she knew my name, but she did, she called my cell and said I could escort Princeton. She said her friend Serena told her I needed help."

"That's impossible." Jenny stated matter-of-factly. "Blair hates Serena." Jenny gasped and clapped her hands together. "Oh! Maybe Serena apologized to Blair so she could get you an usher position! Maybe that's why she stood you up!"

"No, she stood me up because girls like Serena van der Woodsen stand up guys like Dan Humphrey." Dan replied. "What does she have to apologize to Blair for?"

"She slept with Nate Archibald at a wedding when Blair was still his girlfriend." Jenny explained, as though it was common knowledge, which it kind of was. "It's all on Gossip Girl."

"That website's for girls." Dan responded slowly, "And that doesn't sound like Serena van der Woodsen."

Jenny scoffed. "That sounds exactly like Serena van der Woodsen, because she did it. I know you've been in love with her since the seventh grade, but I think you're in for a rude awakening."

"Wait, do you think Blair Waldorf can give me Serena's phone number?" Dan asked. "Is that lame?"

"Blair Waldorf will give you Serena's number if she wants you to have Serena's number." Jenny replied. "Do you think that you could mention that you're related to me? Because if you're cool now, I want to be cool too."

Neither Humphrey observed that their father had left the room, with his Roladex.

* * *

"I'm back, Eric!" Serena cried as she returned to the Van der Woodsen suite. "Blair's speaking to me again, bullying people into doing what I need them to do, and I might still have a shot at Brown!"

Eric laughed. "I'm happy for you, though I'm a little worried about what Blair will do."

"She mentioned something about an 8-ball," Serena began, plucking the half-finished banana from Eric's hand and taking a bite. With her mouth full, she said, "Though technically I think Chuck is dealing with that one."

"But I thought Chuck hated you." Eric stole his banana back.

"Chuck hated me because Blair hated me, and Blair doesn't hate me anymore." Serena exclaimed victoriously. "Where's mom?"

Eric shrugged. Serena noticed that he seemed pretty uninterested in her recent social status recovery. He turned to go back to his room, but then spun around to face her again, his face very serious. "Can we have room service tonight? Just the two of us?"

Serena nodded. "Yeah, sure. Get started ordering. I trust you." Her phone rang. Her face lit up again. "Hey, it might be one of my friends. Did you hear that, plural? Friend_s_?"

"Congratulations." Eric told her sincerely, plucking the room service menu from the coffee table.

"Hello?" Serena greeted.

"Hello, Serena? It's Dan Humphrey..." Serena smiled as his voice cracked. "Hello?"

"I'm here." She said, sinking into the couch. Eric presented her with the menu and she pointed at a few random items. "How'd you get my number?"

"Your friend Blair, she's your friend, right? My sister Jenny says she's not." Dan was rambling nervously, and Serena felt warm. "Anyway, she gave me your number, rather unwillingly, but she gave it to me."

"She's my friend alright." Serena found herself saying, dancing a little bit in her seat. "Did she ask why you wanted my number?"

"I'm convinced she taught Cheney how to question suspects at Gitmo." Dan replied. "And I said I was trying to thank you for talking to her about the Ivy Week mixer."

"You're welcome." Serena said. "I figured one of us ought to have a shot."

"Well, thank you. And I mean, hey, when Blair was grilling me, she mentioned she was your best friend and having your best friend as the chairwoman of the student committee on Ivy Week has to count for something." Dan suggested, "Maybe you should talk to her for yourself."

"I'm sure she'll figure something out." Serena whispered, the warmth coming from her heart spreading across her chest. Best friend? "So do you forgive me for standing you up? I just had the epiphany in French class and had to act on it before I forgot. I'm flaky, you know."

"Oh, that's cool. I mean, if you can stand me up every time I have a problem Blair Waldorf can solve, that'd be great."'

A knock came at the door. "Hey, Dan, I'm really glad everything worked out for you, and we do need to set something up to celebrate, but my brother and I need some serious bonding time." Serena handed Eric cash for a tip. "I'm really glad you called."

"I'm glad I called." Dan echoed. "I'll see you at school?"

"Yeah." Serena hung up after a moment, and Eric unpacked the best the Palace had to offer across the coffee table. "What's up, E?"

"I don't know how to preface this, so I'm just going to say it." Eric put his hands over Serena's, which had a magnetic attraction to the truffle oil grilled cheese. "I'm gay."

Serena didn't move, but her face softened and her smiled dropped a little. "Okay."

"And I've told Chuck." Serena scowled in surprise. "Well, he asked, and I told him honestly."

"How could he have figured it out?" The implied 'before me' never came out of Serena's mouth.

"It doesn't matter. I've," Eric paused, looking away from his sister's gentle gaze, and laughing a little. "You're being really great about this."

"Of course." Serena squeezed Eric's hands.

"Mom's kind of absent and she comes and goes on when she wants to be a good mom and when she wants to be Lily van der Woodsen, famous rock photographer and ex-groupie." Eric began. "When she's great, she's great."

"But when she's gone, she's gone." Serena whispered. "Am I that way too?"

"You…" Eric searched for the sweetest thing to say. "You've been focused on yourself, and your sobriety, and you made that such a top priority, and I'm really proud of you. But even with both of you here, I've felt kind of lonely. And I think that's why Chuck picked up on it, because he's lonely… and is probably never going to focus on sobriety."

Serena laughed. "Our food's getting cold, E."

He snatched the top grilled cheese. "Yeah."

The Van der Woodsens sat together in silence, a happy silence.

* * *

Next time…. Chuck.


	3. Beautiful Girlz

Disclaimer: Own nothing.

Previously: The NJBC made up after a field hockey throwdown between B and S. E confessed to S that he was gay, and B arranged for Lonely Boy to usher at Ivy Week.

This time: Chuck and Nate's friendship examined.

* * *

**Beautiful Girlz**

Dan and Serena stood on the Nolita street grinning at one another when Blair reappeared. Dan slipped under his defensive veneer that he often used to shield himself from the nastiness of his schoolmates. But Blair didn't see him, as she ranted about the decidedly awful choice Serena had suggested for their lunch date. "That was disgusting! The DOH should shut them down! It's called Nolita, not Noshowers."

She sniffed, and followed her nose when her eyes landed on him. Blair clearly didn't recognize him, which made him all the much more certain that Serena had called in that Ivy Week favor.

She turned her attention to her best friend instead. "Do I smell pork? And cheese?" Dan swore, after all the years of being seen through at St. Jude's that nothing could make him feel smaller. He stood corrected. "Okay, well, when you're done with your charity work, why don't you come find me? I'll be at Tory Burch… looking at ponchos?"

And just like that, Blair disappeared, and Serena cocked her head to one side: a bad habit of hers when she felt sheepish. Dan stared after her.

"I've got to be honest." Dan did the head-cock thing too, running his hand over the nape of his neck. "Your friendship with her confuses me. My sister Jenny says you hate each other, and she showed me pictures of you two fighting on the field hockey pitch…"

Before she could stop herself, Serena asked in a low voice with a flirtatious smile, "Did it turn you on?" She giggled to fill the awkward silence that came instead of a reply. She paused and turned away, "Okay, so I just had an outer-body experience in which Chuck Bass took over my body."

"Chuck Bass?" Dan scowled. "That asshat?"

Serena's face darkened and slowly straightened up. "He's a friend. And so is Blair." This time, Serena felt no remorse for the silence. "Both of whom got your Ivy Week usher position secured." She could practically hear Blair ridiculing the lemmings buying up the flats inside Tory Burch like they were hits of heroin. "I guess you weren't invited to Lost Weekend, then." Serena's voice was unrecognizably cool, and she wondered if Blair had taken over her body as well as Chuck.

"Well, um, thank them for me." Dan said. "I should get going."

Serena's face was cloudy as she entered Tory Burch, where she expected to find Blair knee-deep in the most unique and un-logo-ed finds in the shop, but instead she was hunched over her phone deep in the back of the corner. "Who are you texting?" Serena asked distractedly.

Blair didn't respond, and after a few beeps, Serena shook herself out of her Dan-related reverie and was actually curious. "Blair?"

Blair finally looked up, and tried to put her phone away, but Serena had proven just a few days before that she was the defter friend, and she wrestled the phone out of the petite brunette's hand. She found a string of texts from Chuck.

"Isn't this Lost Weekend?" Serena asked with a suspiciously raised brow. Blair nodded.

"We're helping each other." Blair sniffed. "He makes the rules, so he can break them."

Serena scanned the landscape of Blair's face, and saw for the first time that Blair had been throwing one of her quiet temper tantrums all day. She had liked no one and nothing since they'd left her penthouse this morning. "What is he helping you with?" Serena asked softly.

"Serena." Blair deadpanned. "I wasn't exactly in a hurry to remind you to apologize to me because it's kind of hard to come in second to you. Not just with Nate."

Serena puckered uncomfortably. "Blair."

"And Chuck doesn't like coming in second either, but usually it's just to something vague and immaterial, like a business deal or a revolving door wife." Blair paused. "No offense to your mother. But with Nate, it's something different. Nate says that normally Chuck lashes out, but I think he's withdrawing."

"Who is he coming in second to?" Serena asked and she smiled widely at the sweetness of the situation Blair was dealing with. She hadn't read Chuck's texts for a reason; even Serena could be scarred by the depths of Chuck's perverted imagination.

"Carter Baizen, who apparently looks like McConaughey between movies." Blair drawled, and Serena smirked at her, "Yes, I'm pretty sure he thought of that line for purposes other than texting me."

"Do you really think Chuck and Nate's relationship is that fragile?" Serena wondered.

"I know Chuck thinks it is."

"Well, then let's go." Serena gave Blair back her phone, and marched them outside to hail a cab.

"What are we doing?" Blair asked incredulously, for the first time remembering the happy chaos that accompanied Serena's friendship.

"We're crashing the Lost Weekend before Chuck starts lashing out. But we need to stop at my suite first, so tell him you ordered him a surprise."

* * *

"Dressing up like hookers? That's your grand scheme?" Blair hissed as she reluctantly entered the elevator at the Palace. "And why haven't you moved into Bart's penthouse yet?"

"The ink isn't dry on the pre-nup, and construction won't begin until then." Serena replied, pressing the number 18 on the elevator pad. "And have you seen the place? It's a creepy old bachelor pad."

"That's because it's occupied by creepy old bachelors." Blair giggled, finally getting a look at herself in the mirror. Blair owned about a thousand pieces of lingerie from all over the world, so she was quite comfortable wearing it, but she was made up with the smoky eyes of a silver screen vixen alongside her best friend.

Normally, she'd feel insecure standing next to Serena in lingerie, but her heart was beating so fast. Sure, Chuck had seen her in less, but they were swimsuits, meant to be at least a little functional. As she tapped her fingers nervously against the lacy boy shorts she wore. "Why are you so worried about this? Chuck gets jealous of Nate's other friends all the time?" She chattered as the doors opened onto the 18th floor.

Serena turned to her, and a hotel guest, apparently a regular since he was unfazed by the sight of underage girls in lingerie lingering near door 1812, walked past them. She looked at Blair very seriously.

"Doesn't this all feel… fragile to you?" Serena asked, her eyes searching for an answer in the slightest twitch of Blair's face. "Like we could go back to not talking any moment now? That's why I wanted us to bounce from the penthouse. No one is tearing us apart." Serena sounded resolute, and Blair's face blossomed with pleasant surprise. "Besides, I owe Chuck a favor for the eight-ball." Serena laughed. "I never thought I'd say that sentence without having consumed the coke myself."

"Let's get in character, S." Said Blair, and they both tossed their heads back and knocked on the door.

Serena couldn't figure out which was a better way to describe the look on Chuck's face as he opened the door. Was the expression one of amusement and pride? His girls had figured out that nothing could make a trustrafarian with a body odor problem bail quicker than an underage girl in lingerie. Or was it one of arousal and comfort? In both instances, the face was colored by Chuck's predatory nature, and he let them in with a wide smile.

"Well, look what we have here, boys. Just when I was starting to get bored." Blair and Serena strutted inside, and although many of the St. Jude's students had seen Serena like this before, something about her energy and the addition of ice queen Blair Waldorf made this a particularly titillating sight.

"I thought the only women we could speak to were bought and paid for by you!" Exclaimed Tristan Fox and Blair quirked an eyebrow.

"Well, Fox has declared he doesn't want to enjoy himself." She said, pulling one of the cheaper-looking ladies close to her by the waist and kissing her deeply. She smirked, wiping the lipstick off the prostitute. "Anyone else?"

"Baizen might want to leave." Chuck suggested, and Nate and Carter looked up from the card table. Nate's eyes dilated at the sight of his ex-girlfriends in Serena's sexiest lingerie. "Third degree rape if a person over 21 has sexual intercourse with someone under 17. Blair, when's your birthday again?"

"Next month." Blair said with a smirk. "I heard you like collecting virginities, Carter."

Nate sniffed out a Chuck plot, but something didn't seem right about it. Blair sat down next to him.

"Maybe you should give it to the prince for whom it was always intended." Chuck shouted, and both Nate and Blair turned to scowl at him.

Their foreheads drifted closely together and Nate whispered in her ear with a voice both genuinely searching for the answer and yet filled with laughter. "What _are_ you doing here?"

"You boys aren't the only ones with Ivy Week steam to blow off." She replied, performing the bedroom eyes that she had for the sports captains of Dalton.

Nate pulled away from her slightly, and saw that Carter was drinking in his ex-girlfriend's figure appreciatively.

"What's the sentence for third degree rape in the Empire state?" Carter asked her as the dealer passed Blair her own hand of cards.

"Four years." Blair replied calmly, her eyes dripping icicles as she took in Carter's form. "But you might not like prison. They make you shower there. And they don't like kiddie rapists."

"I'm sure you'd be worth it." Carter whispered, and Nate stood up, his body stiff.

"I think you've worn out your welcome, Baizen." Nate said politely.

"Oh, come on, Archibald. She's your ex, and if Gossip Girl is correct, it's not my fault you didn't hit it in the bathroom at brown café." Carter stood too, and Blair shrank back, meeting Chuck's eyes across the chaotic room. The boys in the suite reacted to Carter's insult. Carter looked back at Blair, "I would've been more romantic."

"Yeah, a hostel in Santorini, Blair. You need to bring your own sheets." Serena zinged from across the room.

"That's not the virgin treatment, Serena." Carter teased. "You should know that since you weren't one."

"Seriously, Baizen, the party's over for you." Chuck said, striding across the room with authority. "And you can hand over the watch and the baseball before you leave."

Carter searched the room for an ally, and finding none; he reached into his ratty hoodie and proffered the items in question. "Lame party, Bass. Not even worthy of a Lost Weekend."

"I don't remember your senior class's Ice Queen making out with escorts within seconds of her arrival at your Lost Weekend." Nate said, his arm snaking around Blair, who was standing up with her arms crossed across her waist. "Really, Carter, do we have to ask three times?"

Carter left, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and Blair felt Nate squeeze her shoulder.

She'd learned long ago that Nate would try to pass this move off as affectionate, or even comforting, but the only person he was comforting when he did it was himself. The party returned to the timbre Chuck had originally wanted, and Nate and Blair took their seats at the card table once again. Blair stared him down.

Chuck still stood yards away and Serena came up to him as he studied his best friend from across the room. "Tell me the truth, Serena," Chuck said slowly, his feral eyes narrowed, "Did she come here for me or for him?"

Serena stared at Chuck like he was an idiot. "It was my idea to come, because Blair was worried about you. Don't you get it? You won! Carter's gone!"

"Then why does it feel like I'm on an unstoppable path towards a loss?" Chuck asked his future step-sister quietly. The party increased around him. "This makes us even for the eight-ball, by the way. Almost."

"Almost?" Serena demanded.

"I need to hear more about Santorini." Chuck bartered, and Serena smirked. "Not for fantasies… I don't know how many times it's worth mentioning, but you got Blair into Lost Weekend in your lingerie and making out with hookers. That's enough fantasy material for me."

"And makes us more than even for Tristan's white distraction." Serena retorted. "Are we invited to stay?"

"That's the thing, I'm not sure." Chuck's eyes fell on Nate and Blair again.

"Should I feel jealous?" Blair asked Nate as he waved away the slutty looking card dealer. "That you were really oscillating between me and a very smelling idea?"

"What are you talking about?" Nate tried to laugh.

"Oh, Carter isn't supposed to represent an idea of escaping something?" Blair looked around. "Chuck's taste no longer up to your liking? Do you need to get away?"

Nate didn't answer her, and Blair forgot how pretty he was when he brooded.

"That's kind of ironic, isn't it?" Blair asked in a distracted tone of voice. "Since Chuck designed this to be a weekend of escapism."

"Yeah, but…" The reaction escaped Nate's mouth before he realized that Blair had been using her interrogation techniques on him. He watched Blair, her elbows propped up casually on the table as she smirked at him. "It's like dress-up. Once you take the clothes off, it's all over and the pressure's back on."

Blair laughed so hard she snorted. "Do we all need to get laid or something?"

Nate looked at her quizzically, and played back the metaphor inside his mind, and joined her in her laughter. "I think so."

Serena and Chuck appeared beside the former couple, smiling easily. "So you ladies have a choice… go get changed or go out in what you're wearing." Chuck suggested. "We're going out for dinner."

Blair pulled a face, and Serena had an apologetic expression on hers. "Sorry, Chuck, but we promised Eleanor we'd have dinner with her. It's getting late."

"No harm done." Chuck said, his tone sounding distant and forced. "Let me walk you out."

Blair kissed Nate on the cheek, standing up. Chuck draped each arm across each girl's bare back as he escorted them through a room of their horny peers. He winked over his shoulder, but paused before they got to the door. "Gentlemen, will you thank the ladies for their service?"

"What'd they do?" Asked one boy.

"Vermin removal." Chuck simpered, and he helped the girls out the door, walking them to the elevator.

"I didn't realize we're getting a door-to-door escort," Blair drawled, "Isn't that our job?"

Chuck pressed the correct numeral for Serena's floor, "Thanks for the rescue, B." Chuck turned around, and Serena felt both awkward and touched at the same time. His hands hovered near Blair's waist, and he kissed her softly. The doors opened, and Blair and Serena scurried out to reduce the number of people whose camera phones had not been confiscated from seeing them.

* * *

A few days later, Chuck and Nate were walking towards the Papaya King on the corner of Third and Lex healing their hangovers privately.

"So if I had known Serena and Blair would crash Lost Weekend in their underwear after making up, I would've arranged it a long time ago." Chuck observed, deleting his texts absentmindedly.

"Arranged?" Nate questioned with amusement. "You arrange things now? What would you have done, tied them together in a closet with your scarf?"

"Don't mock the scarf. It's my signature." Chuck said defensively. "Well, I've definitely encouraged Blair's isolation from the two of you, because I thought the isolation might make her feel more vulnerable, but she apparently becomes uninhibited with female companionship. I'll have to remember that in the future."

Nate laughed. "I'm sure she's enjoyed having someone validate some of her more paranoid fantasies. I never understood that… Why would you want to imagine the worst?"

"There's a sweet satisfaction with the 'I told you so'." Chuck explained. "Like with Carter Baizen. I was trying to tell you he was a scumbag, and it took an impromptu sting operation with S and B to prove to you that he was."

Nate didn't reply, ordering for the both of them. Two King Combos, two Krauts, one relish, and one with onions, one papaya, one strawberry.

"Mister…" The cashier looked down at the debit card Nate had just handed him to swipe. "Archibald?"

Nate and Chuck snapped out of their silence and their eyes fell on the instantly intimidated boy behind the counter.

"Your card's been declined." Chuck laughed.

"I got this." Chuck handed the boy the cash. "Did you let one of those escorts go to town with your debit card?"

Nate looked confused and Chuck's alarm bells went off, images of the Captain's desperation at brunch several weeks ago flashing in his brain. "Here," Chuck handed Nate his Blackberry. "Check your account at the table. I'll get the food."

When Chuck came over with the food, Nate's head was in his hands, and the Blackberry was on the table. Chuck put their trays down and looked at the zeros staring up at him from the screen.

"At the party, Blair said Carter was standing in for an idea." Nate whispered, and Chuck didn't want to meet his friend in the eyes, because he suspected Nate was crying. The sob caught in his throat. "If I'm under pressure, imagine what my dad feels."

Chuck didn't know what to say. The Captain must have been getting increasingly more transparent if Nate had jumped to that conclusion immediately. Gossip Girl flooded his inbox with pictures of Serena and Blair bouncing around New York in blue and orange dresses. Chuck opened them distractedly, keeping Nate in his peripheral vision all the while.

**This just in: S and B committing a crime of fashion. Who doesn't love a five-finger discount? Especially if one of those fingers is the middle one. Everyone knows you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends. And in a world ruled by bloodlines and bank accounts, it pays to have a pal. As much as a BFF can make you go WTF, there's no denying we'd all be a little less rich without them. And Serena and Blair? They do besties better than anyone. No, that's not a tear in my eye. It's just allergies. Without you, I'm nothing. -Gossip Girl  
**

"What am I bitching about?" Nate's voice hadn't recovered any volume.

"You're bitching about a dad who steals from you." Chuck hissed. "That wasn't his money, it was your mother's, and it was yours."

Nate's watery eyes stared at the food getting cold in front of them; he was at a loss for appetite. Chuck slipped away from the table, mumbling, "I'll be right back."

Once he was outside, he placed a call. "I need a phone number for William Vanderbilt Senior, and I need the progress of any open investigations on Howard 'the Captain' Archibald, SEC, FBI, NYPD, any of them. Soon."

* * *

Next time… I don't know? Jenny? More Dan and Serena? They're very hard to write without the pretext of the actual show's timeline of Serena-trying-to-redeem-herself. I'll take suggestions... from the voices in my head or otherwise.


End file.
